First off, I apologize for not posting in awhile, but i’m sure you bros understand. 4/20 was four days ago. It takes awhile to get back down from outer space.
Anyways, today’s fist bump (to the face) goes to Joe Breezy (or as I like to call him, GDI Joe) the fucking GDI who attempted to chug a fifth of patron and failed harder than a sorostitute trying to fully throat a broner. What a fucking chump. Bros everywhere should look at this video in utter disgust for a number of reasons. I know I fucking did. Here are some of the reasons why:
1. He’s fucking wasting patron. Are you fucking kidding me GDI Joe? When I was watching the video, I honestly didn’t know whether to get pissed or shed a tear. Bros know that very few things tastes better than the sweet liquid that is emitted from that beautiful clear and green bottle. It’s a fact that bros everywhere love tequila – we chug this shit on the reg. While GDI’s like icing people with Smirnoff Ice, bros like patroning other bros with fifths of patron; bros don’t mess around with that pussy ass sorority shit.
2. This is just another display of a dumb fuck GDI trying to be a bro. Its an epedemic thats happening worldwide and it must be put to an end. Sure he has the confidence of a bro, but bros back their shit up. If a bro were to ask the bottle if it were ready to get chugged, the bottle would’ve sprouted fucking legs and run for the hills. No one demolishes alcohol like a bro. A fifth of patron? The average bro wouldn’t have even been buzzed.
3. GDI Joe pukes. Fucking pussy! Sorostitutes and GDIs puke. Bros don’t. Bros only put up with puking because we need something for our pledges to clean up. On a brighter note, it was chill as fuck to see GDI Joe throw up on a slampiece. Any form of degrading woman is a total bro move.
If this were done by a bro, the video would’ve been a lot more chill (obviously). A true bro would’ve grabbed the bottle of patron, cracked the seal, grabbed his car keys, and shotgun the shit out of the patron bottle. He then would have proceeded to smash the bottle against the concrete. The girl in the video, impressed as fuck, would’ve then walked over to the bro and gave him a bro job. The bro would then pull a Natty tall boy out of his back pocket, and fist bump the camera man. The end.
Either way, thanks for providing us bros with a laugh before we head off to class tomorrow. And a tip to GDI Joe: stick to Mike’s Hard and leave the patron to the big bros.