Bros drink a fuck load during the school year. Its our favorite past time. While some think that bros play lacrosse, true bros know that just isn’t true. Bros don’t waste our time going to practice, running laps around the field and doing drills to improve our game. Fuck that noise. True bros spend every extra second of free-time we have during the school year practicing for the real bro sport: competitive drinking. Sometimes though, bro-hating professors call on us to do our homework or even go to class and that shit gets in the way. That’s why summer is the perfect time to drink 24/7.
If you aren’t fucked up right now; let’s face it, you’re not a bro. Summer is like training camp for the school year. My drinking coach once told me, the more you drink, the better you’ll get. So you better fucking believe i’m drinking at all times during the summer. The best way to start (and end) a summer day is to chug a natty. Here’s another tip, instead of eating your cereal with milk, just splash a little natty in there instead. Also, turn your protein shakes into brotein shakes by simply adding one scoop of whey protein to 6-shots of grape McCormicks and 10 shots of jager. Soon, your tolerance will be Wiz Khalifa high and you’ll be on your way to bro-god status.
Surely, if you’re a bro, you’re already a drinking king and can drink nattys until the sun comes up. So its important to set creative goals for yourself. Here are a few things you may want to be able to do by the end of the summer.
1)Beer bong a four-loko.
2)Make every beer pong cup blindfolded.
3) Chug a fifth of Everclear.
4) Shotgun a bottle of Natty Light.
5) Five second pitcher chug.
These were the goals I set for myself last summer. Needless to say, like the Tri-Delt house at IU, I did each and every one of them (with ease).
So basically, don’t be a sober GDI fuck this summer. Its vital that you are in drinking shape for syllabus week. Last year, first day back, one of my bros was in such good drinking shape a slammie he made out with went to the hospital with alcohol posioning. She was dead sober before that makeout sesh. A true bro.