Summers here. Fuck yeah. That means no more listening to those brohating fucks they call professors, and no more waking up at 8 AM to learn shit you don’t give a fuck about (note to professors: I don’t give two fucks about European History).
For bros, summer can be described in three words: chill as fuck. There is no school, no homework, and no responsibility. All there really is is a shitload of free time to slam nattys, lay the pipe down, and light up blunts…all while listening to some chill ass summer jams. Fuck yeah. Clearly, summer was invented by a bro. If I had one wish i’d wish to have been there when the bro-king who did invent summer slapped his dick on the forehead of the GDI who wanted school during the months of May through August and said “fuck you brohater,this season will be the season where bros chill hard as fuck.” Talk about a bro move.
Bros are bred for the summer time. And while it should be used to get as fucked up as humanly possible (like our man J. Breezy the Patron chugger), it should also be used to fine tune your bro game. Bros are always looking to improve themselves as bros. Us here at BroCampus would like to guide the process along in our How to Be a Bro During the Summer series. And lesson #1 of the series is….
Get mo’fuckin Yoked
So all you bros out there, hit the gym. Hit it like your hitting a slampiece after you popped a adderol and drank two four lokos. Hit it like your hitting the blunt. Basically, hit that bitch hard. Tear it apart.
In terms of what to lift…clearly focus on the arms. That should be priority number one. I’d recommend dedicating 8 days out of the week to work strictly on arms. Bros need to fill out tanks. There is nothing like chillin’ on the porch of your frat castle in a tank, and flexing every time you take a sip one of your frosty cold nattys. But be careful, soon the sorostitutes will be soaking through their panties at the sight of your pythons. I’d recommend keeping a pledge nearby with a mop just to be safe.
To get those pythons, you should do an hour straight of bicep curls and an hour straight of tricep pulldowns. Another cool workout I like to implement sometimes is to tape a natty to the top of a dumbbell and do hammer curls. Sip the natty at the top of every rep. Try it out at parties. Arnold Schwarzenegger did them. The vag will flock to you in no time.
Next, be sure to be dedicating atleast 4-5 days of the week to cardio and abs. The next best thing to wearing a tank is wearing no shirt at all. And you need to be sure you’ve got that 6-pack to go with those pythons. So here’s the workout I do. Its called the 12-pack workout and if you follow it this summer you’ll have the abs of a Bro God in no time at all.
Step 1: Run to the liquor store as fast as you fucking can. I keep myself motivated by convincing myself they are going to run out of Nattys. I have outrun horses and a Corvette with that very same train of thought.
Step 2: Buy a six pack of Natty tall-boys.
Step 3: Do 1,000 crunches right outside of the liquor store. When you’re done, stand up and flex your abs for 5 minutes straight.
Step 4: Sprint home. I know at this point you’re probably a little tired, but just keep thinking that the faster you get home, the faster you can drink the nattys.
Its called the 12-pack workout because eventually you’ll be carrying a 12-pack home with you. That 6-pack of abs and that 6-pack of Natty (6+6 = 12 for you non-math majors). Be sure to do this at least twice a day.
This is no easy workout. I recommend carrying an iPod with you at all times. Crank up some Huey Mack (download his new mixtape – The Freshman 15 – here) and you’ll be good to go.
Honestly thats about all you need to do in terms of working out. Arms and abs. All bros have them and the ladies love them. The only supplement you need is a fuckload of natty. Now go get yoked and be sure to check back soon for How to Be a Bro: Vol 2.