Fist Bump of the Day goes to Me and My Bros over at DePauw University

We here at BroCampus like to give a lot of fist bumps out to the bros out there in the bromunnity that do some chill stuff. Sometimes though, like when you convince a sorostitute you love them just so you can lay the pipe down or take 35 shots in a night and still end up being the last person standing, you gotta fist bump yourself. And thats exactly what i’m fucking doing because for the 2nd year in the row, my small little, 2,400 student school in Greencastle, Indiana (aka Fratcastle, Indiana) is once again ranked in the top-10 party schools (ranking in at 10) in the nation. Fuck yeah. Here is a list of the top 10 as compiled by The Princeton Review:

1. University of Georgia, Athens, Ga.
2. Ohio University, Athens, Ohio
3. Penn State University, University Park, Pa.
4. West Virginia University, Morgantown, W.Va.
5. University of Mississippi, Oxford, Miss.
6. University of Texas, Austin, Texas
7. University of Florida, Gainesville, Fla.
8. University of California-Santa Barbara, Santa Barbara, Calif.
9. University of Iowa, Iowa City, Iowa
10. DePauw University, Fratcastle, Ind.

(Soruce: Princeton Review)

Now how does a school of such size hang with the likes of the University of Georgia, who ranked #1 on the PR’s list, you ask? Well let me fucking tell you.

1. We pregame harder than you party. You think doing a power hour with beer is tight? Try doing it like me and my bros do it and instead of beer use cheap vodka. 60 shots in an hour. Its all in a nights work for the bro kings at DePauw University. I know a few chicks on campus that i’d put money on to beat any fucking GDI in a shot for shot competition.

2. We tailgate everything. Now while bros all across the nation wake up in the wee hours of the morning to tailgate alongside GDI’s at the big football game, me and my bros do things a little differently. While we are right there with you on game day (although we hardly actually make it to the games), our grill is still fired up for a number of different events on campus as well. First day of class? While the first day of class is typically one of the most brohating days of the years, me and my bros spice things up a bit by setting up in the Percy Julian parking lot at 6:00 AM, blasting fat tunes and slamming a fuckload of Nattys until class starts. Chess club is having a match on campus? You better fucking believe that we’re firing up the grill for that bitch. Now that’s what I call school spirit. Tiger pride motherfucker.

3. The famous Monon Bell game against our virgin rivals the Wabash College Little Giants is one of, if not the most underrated rivalries in college football, and you better fucking believe that every frat and every bro on campus is slamming the fuck out of every natty and slampiece in sight all week leading up to the big event. There is very few things as chill as shitting on those dick slobbin fucks from Wabash College and getting as fucked up as humanly possible. Never made it to an actual game, but fist bump to the Delta Tau Delta meatheads for giving us bros another reason to get fucked up. Likewise to those bros sacrificing Little 5 saturday to ride around on a bike while the bros drink frat water until some slampiece drags us away to mattress slam.

Honestly, this list could go on for days – and since its Fraturday and I know there are nattys to be drank, i’ll summarize. Simply put, we’re in the top-10 party school on the list because the bros here bro hard on the reg. We literally look for reasons to get fucked up in Fratcastle, Indiana. Fist bump to those bros above us on the list (let’s chill sometime), but you better fucking believe we’re coming for you.

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Fist Bump of the Day goes to PacSun for their Solid Deal on Bro Tanks

If you aren’t rocking a tank on the reg right now, you’re a fucking bro hater. So lucky for you, I stumbled across these ultra fly tanks on sale at Pac Sun. They got pockets and everything (for nattys, of course). So chill. I picked up five. Bro swag will be unreal once school hits.

Here’s what they look like:

Element Cross Town Pocket Tank – PacSun.com

There are others on the site, but these are the only ones with pockets. Rock these and the slammies will flock by the dozens.

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How to Be A Bro During the Summer Vol 2.

Bros drink a fuck load during the school year. Its our favorite past time. While some think that bros play lacrosse, true bros know that just isn’t true. Bros don’t waste our time going to practice, running laps around the field and doing drills to improve our game. Fuck that noise. True bros spend every extra second of free-time we have during the school year practicing for the real bro sport: competitive drinking. Sometimes though, bro-hating professors call on us to do our homework or even go to class and that shit gets in the way. That’s why summer is the perfect time to drink 24/7.

If you aren’t fucked up right now; let’s face it, you’re not a bro. Summer is like training camp for the school year.  My drinking coach once told me, the more you drink, the better you’ll get. So you better fucking believe i’m drinking at all times during the summer. The best way to start (and end) a summer day is to chug a natty. Here’s another tip, instead of eating your cereal with milk, just splash a little natty in there instead. Also, turn your protein shakes into brotein shakes by simply adding one scoop of whey protein to 6-shots of grape McCormicks and 10 shots of jager. Soon, your tolerance will be Wiz Khalifa high and you’ll be on your way to bro-god status.

Surely, if you’re a bro, you’re already a drinking king and can drink nattys until the sun comes up. So its important to set creative goals for yourself. Here are a few things you may want to be able to do by the end of the summer.

1)Beer bong a four-loko. 

2)Make every beer pong cup blindfolded.

3) Chug a fifth of Everclear.

4) Shotgun a bottle of Natty Light.

5) Five second pitcher chug.

These were the goals I set for myself last summer. Needless to say, like the Tri-Delt house at IU, I did each and every one of them (with ease).

So basically, don’t be a sober GDI fuck this summer. Its vital that you are in drinking shape for syllabus week. Last year, first day back, one of my bros was in such good drinking shape a slammie he made out with went to the hospital with alcohol posioning. She was dead sober before that makeout sesh. A true bro.

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Interviews with Bros: Conner Barnes – University of Alabama

Bros do a lot of chill shit, pretty much on the regular. This bro from the University of Alabama is no exception. From being in one of the most broner-slinging, slampiece bangin’, Natty drinking frats on UA’s campus (Phi Kappa Psi), to mashing up his own music (which has recently been featured on Fratmusic.com), Conner ‘Conscience Jones’ Barnes is definitely a bro. So we here at BroCampus thought we’d ask him a few questions. Take notes.

Name: Conner B. Barnes

School: University of Alabama

Greek Affiliation: Phi Kappa Psi – Alabama Alpha (currently the president of our chapter.)

Describe to us the bro-scene at UA? Chill. Parties at UA are sick. Usually fraternities will bring in national acts and everyone comes and parties. We all wear our sunglasses to the parties cause by the time we’re through, the sun’s up…

What’s your claim to bro-fame? I mix my own mashup music. I have more recently been DJing our parties at the house. They were very successful last semester and we’ll more than likely have those type of parties this fall featuring myself and a younger brother who’s an up-and-coming DJ himself.

Tell us a little bit about your music? I like to mix music… It’s fun. I have tons of fun seeing what new music can come out of older stuff. When you mix things like Journey/Tupac and Dorrough/Red Hot Chili Peppers you can’t not have fun. When people ask me what I usually play/mix together, I tell them, ‘A little something for everyone.’ Chances are, if you don’t hear something you like, you will soon.

As a bro and an alcoholic, one of my biggest inspirations is the founder of Natty Light. A bro-god. You got any inspirations? I am studying to be a Music Producer/Engineer. If I had to pick one thing to do for the rest of my life, I’d like to work creatively with artists in the studio with direction, songwriting, production, etc. Whatever I end up doing, I will be still making music on the side, in some form or fashion. I just got together with a group of people trying to form their own music label group. I jumped on as a producer/engineer/DJ. Looking forward to it.

They say bros get all the babes. They also say the musicians get all the bro leftovers. You’re both. Have you been knee deep in strange lately? Ha, good question. They did at first. Mostly groupies and what not – whatever. Not really worthwhile or worth the time. But then most recently just one in particular. We’ve been dating for just over a year and a half now. She didn’t flock because of my music, which is why she’s the shit.

Being a mash-up artist, producer, and DJ is pretty bro, but what would you say is the most bro thing you’ve ever done? Got together with a couple of brothers during pledgeship and made a multi-floor beer bong. As in, one person would need to stand on the fire escape on our roof atop our three story house and hold it while someone was on the ground floor receiving victory. Other than that, I would say our shot parties sophomore year. Teams of 3 or 4 would get together and craft their own original shot and bring enough for those attending. You would take the shot off of a carved ice block.

Anything else you got to say to the brommunity? Thanks for your interest in me and my music. If you like awesome music. Be sure to check out the MIXtape… Free listens and downloads at http://houndstoothmusic.bandcamp.com

BroCampus would like to thank bro Barnes for his time. Pretty chill interview. Definitely bump his music. And take note, since he isn’t pounding in to that groupie puss, the rest of us bros might as well take advantage. Someone’s got to do it.

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If you’d like to be interviewed by BroCampus, and think you’re bro-enough, email us at baktalk@gmail.com.

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A Bro’s Take on LeBROn James

Anyone who has glimpsed at the Internet within the past week has been overrun by bullshit stories and opinions about Lebron James and the Heat’s gigantic pussy-breaking loss against the Nazi-bro Dirk and the Dallas Mavericks. The amount of coverage has been so unbearable that this Average JoeBro can’t sneak in a precious whack sesh without LeBro-hater James peaking his fucking head up. So with the multitude of voices out there that have decided that they have some sort of authority to write about Lebron (I’ve seen fucking articles by art critics and bitches. I know, seriously?) I decided the case on James cannot be decided clearly until a bro has finally weighed in on the subject. So here goes.

All this shit started when Lebron pussed out through three 4th quarters in the NBA finals, standing in the corner near the three point line for twelve minutes at time looking at that fat chick at the party who spends her time watching the bomb bitches rub dick on the dance then look at her own self and cries for two hours while some GDI keeps asking what’s wrong.

It was fucked up, so LeBron loses and we’re ready to hear some sob fucking story, until he comes out and says this:

“All the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day, they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today. I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things that I want to do with me and my family and be happy with that. They can get a few days or a few months or whatever the case may be on being happy about not only myself, but the Miami Heat not accomplishing their goal. But they have to get back to the real world at some point.”

 First off, Lebron, fuck you. My life is fucking awesome. All bros do is get wasted and pound puss. If my biggest personal problem tomorrow is picking which she-nasty I’m gonna pick to turn my nob into a stripper pole, then I think I’ll be able to survive just fine, LeBitch.

But I will give Mr. James some credit. For a lot of other non-bros, they will not be happy tomorrow. LeBron will wake up with 30 mill in the fucking bank in his penthouse apartment looking over South Beach with a contact list on his phone dedicated purely for puss-hunting, while some working boner will drive to work in his prius and spend the day at the water cooler going “Hey, you hear about LeBron James. What a Jackass.” In that case, you’re the Jackass, Boner. The guy does have it pretty good. And yeah, he pussed out and lost the NBA finals, but in the end the guys a shit-ton of money, fame, fans, and bitches. That’s purty good all around.

But I’ve been doing some thinking about this, and yes LeBoob does have many qualities of the ultimate Bro, but the motherfucker is still lacking critically in one area.

Bros don’t fucking lose.

Sorry, Loser Bron Bron, Bros are bonafide, frat-hard, hardon ragin’  winners. No matter what. I don’t care if you pick a Bro off the street after a four night bender filled with Nattys, drugs, and all kinds of the hell-nasty, that Bro is going to step onto the court and win, because that’s what Bros do. Bron don’t got it, and it’s time he accepts that.

In fact, there was only one real Bro on the court during those finals, DeShawn Shit-talking-Three-point-pounding-in-your-MotherFucking-Face Stevenson. Not only did he win the NBA title, trash on LeBrons game for the series(Dudes been hamming on LeBron since he been in the league), and rock some fly ass tattoos, two days after the title he got picked up for public intox. “Sorry officer, I was just showing these bitches the size of my Dirk.” True Bro-sizzle.

So LeBron, don’t bring those fratty-ass comments after games, if you’re not going to back it up, pussy.

Final Verdict:  LeBron = LeBROn

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This article was submitted by BroMontana from Indianapolis, IN. If you have any questions or comments about this article, or would like to submit a Bro Story of your own, email us at baktalk@gmail.com.

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How to be a Bro During the Summer: Vol. 1

Summers here. Fuck yeah. That means no more listening to those brohating fucks they call professors, and no more waking up at 8 AM to learn shit you don’t give a fuck about (note to professors: I don’t give two fucks about European History).

For bros, summer can be described in three words: chill as fuck. There is no school, no homework, and no responsibility. All there really is is a shitload  of free time to slam nattys, lay the pipe down, and light up blunts…all while listening to some chill ass summer jams. Fuck yeah. Clearly, summer was invented by a bro. If I had one wish i’d wish to have been there when the bro-king who did invent summer slapped his dick on the forehead of the GDI who wanted school during the months of May through August and said “fuck you brohater,this season will be the season where bros chill hard as fuck.” Talk about a bro move.

Bros are bred for the summer time. And while it should be used to get as fucked up as humanly possible (like our man J. Breezy the Patron chugger), it should also be used to fine tune your bro game. Bros are always looking to improve themselves as bros. Us here at BroCampus would like to guide the process along in our How to Be a Bro During the Summer series. And lesson #1 of the series is….

Get mo’fuckin Yoked

So all you bros out there, hit the gym. Hit it like your hitting a slampiece after you popped a adderol and drank two four lokos. Hit it like your hitting the blunt. Basically, hit that bitch hard. Tear it apart.

In terms of what to lift…clearly focus on the arms. That should be priority number one. I’d recommend dedicating 8 days out of the week to work strictly on arms. Bros need to fill out tanks. There is nothing like chillin’ on the porch of your frat castle in a tank, and flexing every time you take a sip one of your frosty cold nattys. But be careful, soon the sorostitutes will be soaking through their panties at the sight of your pythons. I’d recommend keeping a pledge nearby with a mop just to be safe.

To get those pythons, you should do an hour straight of bicep curls and an hour straight of tricep pulldowns. Another cool workout I like to implement sometimes is to tape a natty to the top of a dumbbell and do hammer curls.  Sip the natty at the top of every rep. Try it out at parties. Arnold Schwarzenegger did them. The vag will flock to you in no time.

Next, be sure to be dedicating atleast 4-5 days of the week to cardio and abs. The next best thing to wearing a tank is wearing no shirt at all. And you need to be sure you’ve got that 6-pack to go with those pythons. So here’s the workout I do. Its called the 12-pack workout and if you follow it this summer you’ll have the abs of a Bro God in no time at all.

Step 1: Run to the liquor store as fast as you fucking can. I keep myself motivated by convincing myself they are going to run out of Nattys. I have outrun horses and a Corvette with that very same train of thought.
Step 2: Buy a six pack of Natty tall-boys.
Step 3: Do 1,000 crunches right outside of the liquor store. When you’re done, stand up and flex your abs for 5 minutes straight.
Step 4: Sprint home. I know at this point you’re probably a little tired, but just keep thinking that the faster you get home, the faster you can drink the nattys.

Its called the 12-pack workout because eventually you’ll be carrying a 12-pack home with you. That 6-pack of abs and that 6-pack of Natty (6+6 = 12 for you non-math majors). Be sure to do this at least twice a day.

This is no easy workout. I recommend carrying an iPod with you at all times. Crank up some Huey Mack (download his new mixtape – The Freshman 15 – here) and you’ll be good to go.

Honestly thats about all you need to do in terms of working out. Arms and abs.  All bros have them and the ladies love them. The only supplement you need is a fuckload of natty. Now go get yoked and be sure to check back soon for How to Be a Bro: Vol 2.

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A (High) Bro’s Take on Fat Bong Rips

If you don’t enjoy taking fat rips out of German engineered bongs while holding on to two Natty’s and even possibly getting your dick sucked then you’re not a Bro, you’re a bitch. Bong rips get you high, and being high is bro as fuck. Whether you’re going to the gym to get jacked, pounding on some strange, or just straight chillin with some bros, doing it high makes it better. Bong sessions are a great way to converse with other bros about bro things (like the last sorostitute you slayed or your favorite taco at Taco Bell), and that’s why it’s crucial to know the right, chill, bro way, to rip the bong.

A good bong rip isn’t any old walk in the fuckin park. It takes skill and experience. Pussy’s and bro-haters slobber all over the bong, take bitch rips, and cough like little school girls. If you’re a pussy and don’t know how to rip the bong, then don’t fuckin try to do it! A real man approaches the bong with respect and excitement, spends a minimum of 5 seconds milking it before clearing, and then exhale’s entirely while doing a fist bump, not once making any sort of noise resembling a cough. Mega chill dudes don’t even exhale, allowing for all the smoke to make their 10-inch dick even bigger than it already is.

To get to that point the first step is buying your own blazing tube. Bongs are essential for any self respecting Bro. Just remember to be careful with your glass because some people (mostly noobs), turn into careless morons when they get high and have the tendency to knock things over, possibly shattering not only your precious instrument but also the relationship between you and that person. Respect the bong motherfuckers. I’ve seen too many infant purchases go to waste because of some dipshit who cant hold their smoke and doesn’t understand the meaning behind personal property. Shame on all you bro hating fucks. We may not know who you are, but you’re the ones who have to live with the guilty conscience.

Keeping a bong is tough. So to you bros out there who have a bong over 1 year of age, give yourself a pat on the back during your next rip, over 2 years clear the whole bowl, and over 3 then that’s a certified bromance and you might as well just start fucking it. Everyone else just save up your cash and keep moochin off your friends. Just don’t get too high and break his baby.

Now go get high. 4/20 is right around the corner.

Thanks to HighBro from DePauw University in Indiana for the submission. If you would like to submit your take on some bro issue, email us at brocampus@gmail.com and we’ll get it up for all of the brommunity to read.

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